On Jousting

There was a time in the late seventies and the very early eighties when I had ‘contempt’ for a certain class of people. The target of my contempt were not people who were poorer than me economically – no, I didn’t have that in me for some unknown reason (actually I know the reason: it is because I didn’t have any money myself), but I decidedly nursed contempt for people who I concluded had lesser intelligence than me. Then when I got it in the place where I deserved to get it for such an attitude, I lost the ability to nurse a contempt on any grounds for anyone – how could I ?, when I had a very strong suspicion that the whole world could be more intelligent than I was !

In a way it was good that I lost that intellectual snobbery for I learnt to enjoy the company of people as they came. In fact, coming to think of it, is intellectual snobbery any better than economic (social) snobbery? On a careful consideration of various people who have come into my life, I realize that everybody is superior to me in one way or another – my father has a more powerful will, is not felled by setbacks, some of which were truly very, very dire which he faced boldly. At ninety-three he has a zest for life that I don’t possess at fifty-eight. Some friends of mine are more street smart than me and have established successful businesses despite having practically no capital when they started off. Others who are just mediocre like me have the ability to take life as it comes, without complaint that they are less fortunate than their more shining peers – an ability that I would love to possess. Many are more strong and robust than me. So I conclude that in some way I am inferior to everyone.

With this experience I have lost the ability to feel contempt, but I do feel anger. In fact, these days, having suppressed my anger for years, am looking for ways and means to dissipate it. Writing a blog is just one of the more peaceful ways, and I hope it remains the only way.  But then I am known to have crossed certain limits, and when I lose myself I act without restraint. Fortunately this has never happened except for a very few times in my life, and tragically could even have been avoided.

I think there is some sense in the advice that anger hurts the person who feels it. But swallowing anger is more dangerous than dissipating anger. But how can one dissipate anger if no one is prepared to tolerate the  ranting of a wounded personality? How can one not feel anger if one is constantly invited to joust in a field that he is somewhat incapable? For instance, I may be somewhat incapable in the field of literature but I may be more capable in boxing. Now if a man who is more capable in literature keeps on inviting me to joust in literature, is it wrong of me to invite him to joust with me in boxing or swimming or any of the sports of a more adventurous kind if I am better at it? The rules of the society are rather unfair! To be fair to all I call for a total ban on jousting of any kind! People of the world unite you have nothing to lose but your chains and so on…