Joe And Elaine - Dangers of thinking overdrive !

This is an article that I received a few years ago as an e-mail forward.  The article talks of wild imaginings, supposedly more characteristic of the feminine species, but from personal experience I can vouchsafe that many men too are guilty of the same modes of thought. There is an immense danger in this: reality can be vastly different from your wild imaginings !

JOE & ELAINE

Let’s say a guy named Joe is attracted to a woman named Elaine.  He asks her out to a movie, she accepts.  They have a pretty good time.  A few nights later he asks her out to dinner and again they enjoy themselves.  They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is willing to see anybody else.

And then, one evening when they’re driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine and without really thinking she says it aloud:

‘Do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?’

And then there is silence in the car.  To Elaine it seems like a very loud silence.  She thinks to herself “Geez! I wonder if it bothers him that I said that.  Maybe he’s feeling confined by our relationship. Maybe he thinks I’m pushing him into some kind of obligation that he doesn’t want or isn’t sure of”.

And Joe is thinking “Gosh! Six months!”

And Elaine is thinking “But, hey! I’m not so sure I want this kind of relationship either.  Sometimes I wish I had more space, so I’d have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward … I mean, where are we going? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children. Toward a life-time together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?”

And Joe is thinking “…so that means it was … let’s see… February when we started going out. Which was right after I had the jeep at the dealer’s.  Which means … lemme check the odometer … Whoa! I’m way overdue for an oil change here!”

And Elaine is thinking “He’s upset! I can see it on his face. Maybe I’m reading this completely wrong.  Maybe he wants more from our relationship. More commitment! Maybe he has sensed – even before I sensed it – that I was feeling some reservations. Yes! I bet that’s it.  That’s why he is so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He’s afraid of being rejected”.

And Joe is thinking “And I’m gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don’t care what those morons say, it’s still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time.  What cold weather? It’s 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600”.

And Elaine is thinking “He’s angry. And I don’t blame him. I’d be angry too!  I feel so guilty putting him through this, but I can’t help the way I feel. I’m just not sure!”

And Joe is thinking “They’ll probably say it’s only a 90-day warranty. That’s exactly what they’ll say. The scumballs!”

And Elaine is thinking “Maybe I’m just too idealistic; …waiting for a knight to come riding upon his white horse…; when I’m sitting right next to a perfectly good person; a person I enjoy being with; a person I truly do care about; a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy! I see it in his face!”

And Joe is thinking “Warranty? They want a warranty? I’ll give them a warranty. I’ll take that warranty and…”

“Joe!!” Elaine says aloud.

“What?!” says Joe, startled.

“Please don’t torture yourself like this,” she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. “Maybe I should never have…I feel so…” (She breaks down sobbing.)

“What?!” asks Joe, puzzled.

“I’m such a fool,” Elaine sobs. “I mean, I know there’s no knight”.

“No night?” Joe asks perplexed.

“I really know that” says Elaine. “It’s silly! There’s no knight and there’s no horse!”

“There’s no horse?” asks Joe more perplexed.

“You think I’m a fool, don’t you?” Elaine asks.

“No!” says Joe, glad to finally know the correct answer.

“It’s just that…it’s that I…I need some time,” says Elaine.

(There’s a 15-second pause while Joe, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response.  Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

“Yes,” he says.

Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.

“Oh! Joe! Do you really feel that way?” she asks.

“What way?”

“That way about time?” asks Elaine.

“Oh that!” says Joe. “Yes!”

Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse.

At last she speaks. “Thank you Joe.” She says.

“Thank you,” says Joe.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on bed, a confused tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Joe gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of.  A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would understand what, and so figures it’s better if he doesn’t think about it. (This is also Joe’s mode of reaction to world hunger).

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours.  In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification.  They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching a definite conclusion, but never getting bored with it either.

Meanwhile Joe, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine’s, will pause just before serving, frown, and ask “Norm! Did Elaine ever own a horse?”

Pappa Devo Bhava ... whatever...!

This piece is about conflicting images that we conjure up whenever we are exposed to an idea or a concept.

       A few days ago a cousin of mine (a prosperous man) came home visiting along with his spritely daughter who has been brought up in a secular way with a greater exposure to western ideas. She is just about fifteen years and is in the process of moulding and also defining her personality. Her father realises this, and whenever possible, chooses to prompt her with ideas sought to bolster values in her.

      So as we got into a discussion of the deterioration of values in the present Indian society, my cousin told her daughter "You know Pinky, when I was in the Singapore Airport once, I saw a series of counters for 'Enquiries'. Seeing a lone man at one of the counters, I proceeded to stand behind him. But I immediately realised there was a queue some for the same counter some seven feet behind and the others had stood at that distance not to crowd on him. I immediately realised my mistake and chose to join the queue behind the others when they all said in unison 'Please go ahead Sir, you must be in some hurry!' And I..." and so on. 

     His young daughter joined the discussion saying "But in India too there were good values being promoted once, for instance like 'Pappa Devo Bhava ... whatever'! "  

         I felt amused at the unconscious choice of words. To my mind 'Pitru Devo Bhava' conjures up images of an austere and wisened man somewhat advanced in years who expounds by his lifestyle the values he chooses his son to emulate. To my mind 'Pappa Devo Bhava' conjures up images of a pot-bellied man in a three-piece suit with a cigar in his lips sitting in front a televison with a glass of scotch on the rocks watching a T20 match cheering the Indian team as it plays against Pakistan!   

      Similarly 'Maatru Devo Bhava' conjures up rather conservative images of a 'chaste' woman who looks up to the family as a source of pleasure and emotional strength. But 'Mummy Devo Bhava' conjures up images of a woman at a sophisticated kitty party playing rummy and spreading cheer.

       I confess these are my prejudices and there is nothing to say that the 'Pappa' is less morally ethical and less spiritual than the 'Pitr' or that 'Mummy' is less chaste than 'Matru'! I am writing to clarify how we let our preconceived ideas prejudice our thinking and more importantly, to underscore the clash of images when a traditional Sanskrit saying is modified with a combination of an English word and the smile that it draws forth from me.

Source: Self  in   www.speakingtree.in