My horrid Math Skills - 2

Earlier I wrote to write about my inherent weakness in solving mindbender problems of the mathematical type. For some reason I never seem to get the inspiration to arrive at the solution. Others say that there is no such nonsense such as inspiration. It is your own inherent capacity - you either have it or you don't. Hence it happens that armed with this world view they see a successful person essentially as a talented person in his own right who doesn't have to owe thanks to anyone. No need of gratitude; no such things like providence and hence no such Provider.

Hence it has come about that some people are venerated beyond their dreams and aspirations, and othyers are condemned beyond their wildest nightmares. So you find a Bill Gates and you also find an Anand Jon - the Indian male model sentenced to 60 years of incarceration for an unfortunate sexcapade in the USA.

Such an obvious disparity strikes an impressionable mind. Even as a kid of 12, I wanted to be a world-famous cricketer like Sachin Tendulkar with as much glory as he is getting. As I grew into a college-going teenager, I wanted to be handsome and sought after by girls like Cary Grant and Gregory Peck. As I grew up and matured further, I wanjted to be a talented writer like Jorge Luis Borges. For some reason unknown to me, I wasn't too keen on wealth and did not fancy much getting rich. With these tendencies, when I fell in love, I became so deeply and helplessly attached that, when the universe chose to deny me the woman I loved, I fell headlong into deeper and deeper depression and had to face great shame and humiliation. For years I felt life was not worth living.

It was precisely for these reasons that, in the earlier days children, when they attained 8 years of age used to be sent to a good teacher who was an ardent devotee of a Guru who would ensure to prevent such desires from cropping up in the minds of young kids.

And then began a series of events that was to give me an understanding of the way the universe works. I became a mystic of sorts. (Came across a good definition of Mystic - a person who wants to know how the universe works, but is too lazy to study physics !) I came to acquire a degree of peace.  I suspend judgment, and in a feeble hypocritical attempt to retain some humility, I just call it Grace.

Now I have come to believe in inspiration and this will be discussed in the next post.