Frivolous and Serious!

I frankly confess that my education didn’t teach me certain very important skills. I have to clarify that the skills I consider very important and valuable are in all likelihood, important and valuable specifically to me and may not be so to others. These would have helped me be more successful. As I said I am not too sure whether the same skills would have been important to others, who I clearly see, do not also have even an iota of it.

One of the skills I wish I had earlier is : ‘the wisdom to know what to take seriously and what to take frivolously’. Bereft of this wisdom, I am clearly conscious how I suffered intensely because of it.
For instance, I didn’t take the importance of conducting myself righteously as something to be very serious about. I know I suffered because of a lack of this knowledge. I fully realize there are several others who likewise lack this clarity and don’t seem to suffer at all. To a sceptic who would dismiss my feelings about this awareness as unfounded, unnecessary, and perhaps without reason I draw the analogy of ‘allergy’. Some people are intensely allergic to penicillin. To them penicillin causes death! A man who is not allergic to this substance should not view the other man’s allergy as ‘superstition’.

By suffering I realised the importance I have to invest in concepts like honesty, truth, fidelity, trust, reliability, unselfishness, compassion, justice, non-covetousness, ‘being non-judgmental’, speaking from the heart, not being hypocritical and so on.

And I have to take seriously love, forgiveness, humility and several other ‘values’. I have to view insults very seriously, for it is a lack of respect to me as a person - a denial that I am entitled to be treated with consideration. I have to take very lightly other people’s banter and teasing done in fun without the intention of disrespect. Luckily, unlike some of my closest friends, I know this difference only too clearly. I have to take other people’s betrayal very seriously as there could be more than one motive for this – 1. To insult and ensure I suffer, 2. To subjugate me to their will and deny my self-respect and freedom. 3. The attempt to impose falsehood and obvious injustice and untruth that could be positively dangerous, like keeping me dependent on dangerous medicines.

I wish I was immune like others are - this former colleague of mine for instance. For several years now, I have the full knowledge that he had a very important role to play in my falling into a depression. I am aware of it from the year that incident happened. I however did not hold him culpable, for there were serious flaws in my character. The incident caused me to seriously introspect and led to a markedly positive change in me. This change gave me the moral courage to frankly express to him that I realized my errors. I observed his reaction and could sense that in his heart he still judged me unfavorably. I later revealed to him certain other aspects of the circumstances of my life, that anyone with a righteous character and a sense of justice would have clearly realized that there indeed were ‘strong extenuating circumstances’ that would obviously merit pardon.  Not him, though! He had no forgiveness. So often has he used the word ‘thief’, ‘cheat’ but with such cleverness and softness that I realized he was actually a coward! Yet, the grand irony is that he spent several years betraying me, passing ‘sensitive’ information (often that I had deliberately doctored for his consumption) that was deleterious to my reputation, spreading calumny on my character. It is really remarkable that he was such a duffer and lacked self-awareness to a degree that not a single day did he realize that he was in fact a cheater who was actively betraying a man who had never ever done him harm. In being strongly judgmental, he totally lost sight of his own untruthfulness, hypocrisy and the obvious fact that he was the ‘thief’, ‘cheat’ and other words that he was disposed to use on me.

I have to view such things very seriously. Fortunately, there are others with a genuine sense of fun! So enjoyable, reading witty article with great humour like today’s (January 2nd) editorial ‘Ear to eternity’ in The Times of India, Bangalore Edition.