Some Witty Sayings (From IFFERISMS by Dr. Mardy Groethe

1. If con is the opposite of pro, and Progress is good, what is Congress?

2. If you ever see me getting beaten up by the police, put down your video camera and come help me!

3. If you know the average person is stupid, then realize that half are stupider than that!

4. No snowflake in an avalanche feels responsible.

5. Every stink that fights the ventilator thinks it is Don Quixote.

6. What is man, but a minutely set ingenious machine for turning with infinite artfulness, the red wine of Shiraz into urine?

7. If you see a shark, you don’t have to swim much faster than the shark. You only have to swim faster than the next man !!

8. If you can’t be kind, at least be vague.

9. If men cease to believe that they will one day become gods, then they will surely become worms.

10. If ‘love’ is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
11. If America leads a blessed life, then why did God put all their oil under people who hate them?

13. If Michaelangelo had decided not to risk it, then he would have painted the Sistine Floor!

14. If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end – I wouldn’t be surprised!

15. If you’ve heard this story, don’t stop me. I like to hear it again.

16. If the English language makes any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur.

17. If we are not supposed to eat animals, how come they are made out of meat?

18. If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely?